Too Much Noises

It is peaceful but I still can hear some noises and sometimes I hate it

Noises.

This world is undetachable from noises, either murmurs, cars honking on the street, neighbor's music, or even chirpy voice of children's. 

Those all are therapeutic sometimes, to help my mindful routine. To help me stay on the ground and feeling my surroundings. I have an anxiety, and so this mindful practice where you try to focus on what is around you, what can you listen, and try to attach yourself in the present is really helpful to decrease my raising anxiety haha.. 

But it also just.. too much. 

Too much that I can't handle it, all of the noises tumult and made some sort of distorted beauty that you just want to run away from it after seeing it for too long. I heard too much, I'm overwhelmed. 

I'm so tired just by listening to all of these sounds around me, over and over and over ... from dusk to dawn I can hear so much noises going around. It is a blessing, to hear.. to be able listen to the art called music, to be able listen to your loved ones voices, it's not like I'm trivialize this blessing God have given to me. 

I just..

Need a break.

I know what time is best to rest your ears from all of these noises, It is either late of the noon, or midnight. Those two times where people are either busy in their works, sleeping in the day, or even exhausted in the night that most of the noises maker are all fall asleep, so deep in their slumber. 

I love those two times, always so peaceful, serene.

It's as if I can see clearly through things after all the mist has gone! So quiet that I can hear my heart slowly beats in a beautiful rhythm. I love it. Crystal clear. Calming. Addicting. Also stress-relieving.

But also inducing my anxiety, I don't want this serene moment have a short period, I don't want this tranquility to an end! Because.. because I love it! Mind is clearer, Eyes sharper, Heart calmer, all of these effect is what I'm addicted to serenity. 

Again, I also realize that this is what make it special.

The rare moment, the sacred times, the short period, is what make this serenity special and have a special place in my heart.

If I got too overwhelmed by the noises, I usually just scream in my pillow, beat the noises with my own noises by singing with my off-key voice, or maybe laugh, tell a joke or two to my friends in a high pitch, screaming, screeching, playing, ah.. whatever it is! I just want to get out of the noises and have some sincerely quiet time. Alone.

Some times I can feel the emotion in these noises, rage, happiness, sorrow, loneliness, love, adoration, boredom, so many emotion blend into one.. seeping through my ears and stay in my brain. That's why.. I might feel overwhelmed if I get into it for too long. But also these noises help me to have a courage.

There are times when I feel lonely, bored, so blue.. but all of these noises come to me with their own colors. Help me paint myself with their colors. Might be a mess but I love it. These noises also help me to stay on the ground, be present. 

From all of the writings in this blog, I just want to say..

Noises,

I love you but I hate you

I need you but in moderation

I want to ignore you for sake of my sanity

But I also grateful to have known you!

So, I love you.

p.s : Idk what I'm writing, this is just my rambles ahahah, I hope you have a nice time and stay healthy💖